|
|
Sunday, July 20th, 2008
| |
8:00 am
|
Okay, that's it. Can't walk anymore. That is, I can walk a little bit, I'm not bedridden and can get myself around the flat, but it's so slow and painful, that I don't get up unless for coffee or bathroom. My right wrist is arthritic and hurting again, but that can be eased with the help of a make-shift Ace bandage [as in, a kitchen towel and sticky tape], so nevermind that.
Barely slept since Thursday night. There's no position in which the pain subsides, no painkiller in my possession works, no dosage of any of them.
Talked to my mom, she's going to go get my X-ray and MRI referrals for me and ask the doctor for something stronger, painkiller-wise. John's at school, I won't have him miss class just for that. Like he said, there's a benefit in having an unemployed mother [-in-law]. I hate to have worried her like that and for her to see me limp the way I do - you know how parents are, when we're hurting, they hurt twice as much. But I honestly can't go anywhere now...
Last time my legs were that bad, was 16 years ago. In Ukraine, when I was 9 and there were days I couldn't walk for the pain and the stiffness, my mom used to call an ambulance and they would give me a painkiller shot that would knock me out. Here, in the ER, they are only authorized to give out OTC painkillers (a doctor there told me a couple of years ago when I came in with all my chest muscles pulled), which means they're useless to me because all they can offer, I have at home (and it doesn't work anyway).
I'm holding my fingers crossed for the doctor to prescribe something that works - I don't want to miss class tomorrow [I already missed two on Thursday] and John and I are supposed to go to Jerusalem for a brit on Tuesday - Tzvika and Alina had their firstborn! Major awww =) In March '06 we attended their wedding; in March '08 they attended ours and brought with them the news that they're 5 months pregnant. I can't wait to see their baby boy!
Anyway, I guess it's a couch potato day for me.
End of pity party.
|
|
|
| Friday, July 18th, 2008
| |
11:54 am
|
|
I believe in peace, BITCH
|
|
|
| Thursday, July 17th, 2008
| |
1:29 pm
|
I had an ER visit last night, because my legs hurt so bad and my arthritis meds, for the first time, failed to work their magic. So I went in, hoping for a different prescription. Instead I had to see a different doctor this morning, who referred me to a pelvic X-ray and an MRI of the right hip. So now there's more paperwork to be done, and the tests. But no meds. I'll be seeing my family doctor to get a proper referral for the X-ray and the MRI, and I'll ask for something that may work better than Advil.
John was so sweet last night. First, Asaf drove us to the ER but he had to drop us off not right at the entrance but a little bit away from it. So John actually carried me to the entrance. Second, he made me laugh the whole time we were there. And third, I had to get on a bed and lay down, and it'd hurt me climbing up on it because my legs hurt so bad, so he picked me up and put me on the bed (on which the doctor who was on my case commented, "my wife dreams of me picking her up like that"). Major brownie points for John! Wait until my mother hears about it.
In any case, after the running around (more like limping around) for needed paperwork and a doctor visit, I'm staying home from school. (Asaf, I'm sorry I don't get to hear your presentation.) So I'm in bed with the laptop. If only my legs ceased hurting, life'd be just about perfect.
Yesterday I finally read Guy Burt's "After the Hole" - found a Russian translation on aldebaran.ru. Been meaning to read this for a few years, ever since watching the movie. Excellent book.
|
|
|
| Wednesday, July 16th, 2008
| |
3:27 pm
|
Что за хуйня завелась на Альдебаране.ру? Терпеть не могу эти русские рекламные баннеры, когда на середину экрана вылезает что-то большое, цветное и мигающее, у которого и заветный иксик не сразу появляется. Так теперь если эту гадость закрыть, все окна уходят вместе с ней.
Ладно, зато нашла книжку, которую искала тыщу лет, если не больше, хоть и в переводе.
|
|
|
| |
11:13 am
|
Symbolically, the second Lebanon war has ended today, when the Hezbollah sons of bitches proudly displayed two coffins.
They're celebrating today. Their hero - a bastard whose chief accomplishment in life is the murder of a little girl - is coming home today.
I sure hope the world sees it and understands something about who Israel is dealing with.
|
|
|
| Saturday, July 12th, 2008
| |
9:14 pm
|
I think John is ready to be a father.
A couple of weeks ago we had our friend, Y., over for coffee. So first, John carries Sophie into the kitchen and exclaims, "just look at her - she's getting so big - isn't she bigger than the last time you've seen her?" Y. agrees. After a few minutes John decides to give an update on the other cat and says mournfully, "Ginger vomited today, we don't really know why, poor Ginger".
An agreement was reached that John had just displayed typical "Daddy" behavior.
Tomorrow John's friend, Avi, is spending the night here. Last time he was here [he lives in Australia and visits his family here a couple times a year], we weren't married yet and Sophie was a tiny, hyperactive kitten. I can already imagine John's Daddy-behavior tomorrow!
|
|
|
| Thursday, July 10th, 2008
| |
9:45 pm
|
My arthritis is killing me. I've no idea how I survived today, but surely I deserve good karma for getting through a long day which included making an hour-long presentation, while suffering pain significantly stronger than anything I can function with. Advil didn't help. Neither did Codeine.
I can mostly live with it when it's my legs - I've grown accustomed to limping and stiffness - but when it goes to my shoulders, that's when it's problematic. First, I lose the ability to use my arms (meaning, I can do whatever I want, if I don't mind screaming while doing it), and second, it hurts to breathe, and I mean hurts as in there are knives being stuck in my lungs when I inhale and exhale. And lets not talk about coughing, really, it gets ugly there.
I'm good at making a poker face and pretending everything's fine, though.
However, nobody can stop me from whinging in my own journal, eh?
*whinge*whinge*whinge*
Also, insensitive people make me furious (Amy, you know what I'm talking about).
|
|
|
| Sunday, July 6th, 2008
| |
10:50 pm
|
The Graduate
Two weeks ago, I received my B.A. in Foreign Literature and Linguistics. The Israeli system works in such a way that you receive your diploma (and your parents get the graduation ceremony they waited for for twenty-odd years and lets-not-think-about-how-many thousands of shekels in tuition) a year after finishing your academic duties. It means that you may be halfway through your Master by the time you finally get a piece of paper stating that you have a Bachelor degree (as is my case). It also means that many people don't attend their graduations, simply because they couldn't be arsed.
I couldn't be arsed myself - I had stuff that could stand to be done that very evening - but if you have a Jewish mother, you know you owe it to her.
( Here be pictures )
In other news, I have so far gained 3 kilograms out of 10 [6.6 pounds out of 22]. Lung function still stable at 47 [in my case, if it's the same for two weeks, it's fucking stable].
I bought myself a new nebulizer - should have John take a picture of me using it.
4 months since John and I got married - today we received our designed wedding album and out edited wedding movie DVD [we already had all the pictures - we had close to 1,200 professional pictures, 200 of which went into the album, and 3 1/2 hours of footage of the wedding from my make-up stage until the end of the wedding party, which was edited into a 40-50 minutes movie]. Hopefully, we'll be able to upload the wedding movie onto YouTube [it's broken down into clips anyway] so that I post it here [you know it didn't happen if it weren't on LJ =)] - because as you've seen, I've never posted that many pictures from the wedding, I never posted the ones from the chuppah or the party or the reception.
We have such a gorgeous album!!! And I can't wait to watch the DVD, but John's in Jerusalem until Tuesday night, and I'm waiting for him.
Here's one of my favourite pictures from our wedding. If you're not Jewish/Israeli, you should know that it's a Jewish tradition to have the bride and groom sit on chairs and lift them up high. You can't escape it. Every bride swears she'll try, every bride fails. Once they got John up on the chair, I tried to run off [the plan was to hide behind my father]. I was outsmarted, though. Before I knew what's up, there I was, up in the air, and nobody could hear me scream because of the music. Now let me tell you, I have a fear of heights so bad, I squeal when John picks me up, and he's 5"8. Those moments in the air were some scary shit! Oh well, at least we got some good pictures out of it and now I, too, can say: I survived the wedding chairs.
|
|
|
| Monday, June 30th, 2008
| |
11:50 pm
|
3 years ago, at about this time, I came home after the Gay Pride parade in Jerusalem, which that year served not only as a holiday, but a location for a semi-blind date. (I'm saying semi-blind because although we've never met before, we did see photos of each other, so we knew what - and who - to expect.) I was exhausted, hungry, and excited. I had a new boyfriend - his name's John and he was extraordinarily sweet. He asked permission before kissing me and when he was granted one, he planted the softest of kisses on my forearm. And if that wasn't enough, he lent me one of his books. At the end of our date, when I boarded my bus home, it took him only a couple of minutes to start missing me, and to let me know by SMS.
I still have that SMS, saved on my cellphone.
I did things with John I've never done with anyone else.
I went on a weekend vacation with him.
Eilat, August 2005
I ate with him.
I kept my eyes open, the lights on, and the music off, while making love to him.
I felt safe enough to stop starving, stop cutting, and start loving myself.
I learned that mess-ups, fuck-ups, and imperfections are just part of daily existence - that things don't have to be perfect in order to be good. And that I don't need to be perfect in order to be loveable.
I learned what true love really is. Not like in the movies, not like in the books, not like in lyrics of rock songs. Like in real life, which is the best kind of love there is.
4 months ago, that sweet boy I went out with, and I, got married.
March 6th, 2008
Most of all, I transitioned from an "I" to a "we".
Tonight is our 3-year anniversary of being together. And I love John more and more every day.
current mood: in love
|
|
|
| |
9:34 am
|
|
| Thursday, June 26th, 2008
| |
10:43 am
|
Today, John and I are going to the Gay Pride parade in Jerusalem, as we do every year.
If any of my LJ-criends is also going, I'll be wearing a red tunic (probably a red skirt, too) and a wide-brimmed white straw hat, come say hello =)
And wish for every participant to come home safe and unharmed...
Amy, by the way, remember we talked about Orthodox Judaism? Yeah. That's exactly why when people hear John and I are going to the parade, they tell us to be extremely careful - like my friend Asaf said, "you guys take care on that parade. be alert. dont trust the cops for protection and make sure not to walk alone in empty streets" [direct quote from our chat].
|
|
|
| |
8:38 am
|
01. Look at the list and bold those you have read.
02. Italicise those you intend to read
03. Underline the books you LOVE.
04. Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've only read 6 and force books upon them.
Because even procrastination time is limited, I only bolded what I've read.
( Read more... )
|
|
|
| Sunday, June 22nd, 2008
| |
7:35 pm
|
People keep telling me how cute I look in my userpic... I feel pretty =)
Here's the original picture - it also demonstrates why John likes to lovingly refer to me as a "tiny person" =)
|
|
|
| Wednesday, June 18th, 2008
| |
9:58 pm
|
| О, да вы - математик. |  Вы из тех, кто проверяет алгеброй гармонию и при проверке находит в гармонии ошибки. Ваша логика настолько безупречна, что порой смахивает на безумие. К людям вы относитесь осторожно, зато с компьютером вы даже не на "ты", а на "ты, сволочь". Вас порой упрекают в отрыве от реальности и в витании в облаках. Но, может быть, весь этот мир - всего лишь игра вашего блестящего ума. | | Пройти тест |
Нет, это, конечно, пиздец =) В страшном сне не снилось, что будет такой ответ - мне - человеку, который, кажется, даже таблицу умножения толком не знает! Смешно. Вот что значит, хуйня, которой занимаешься вместо чего-нибудь общественно-полезного, или просто того, что надо завтра сдать.
Данный филолог удаляется обратно в Ворд, в котором написан пока что один параграф, вместо хотя бы четырёх.
|
|
|
| Tuesday, June 17th, 2008
| |
4:00 pm
|
|
| Monday, June 16th, 2008
| |
9:30 pm
|
MMMBop was just on VH1 Classic.
One - I still scream like I did 11 years ago, and that says something.
Two - Hanson on VH1 Classic?! I'm fucking OLD!!!
|
|
|
| Thursday, June 12th, 2008
| |
7:28 pm
|
This was a really clear-cut test - I think that you lost points for everything that implies you have a mind of your own and are not willing to be your husband's doormat, and gained points for things that imply you lost yourself to the marriage. So me, I love John more than life itself, but by 1930s standards, I'm a lousy wife =)
|
|
|
| Wednesday, June 11th, 2008
| |
9:02 pm
|
Oy, I haven't updated for so long. I keep thinking about how after my very dramatic health update which mentioned my very low weight and an upcoming feeding tube, Naomi called be in a state of semi-hysteria, and I promised her I'm going to precede my health updates with their bottom line, which is usually I'M NOT DYING, just so that she wouldn't have a heart attack.
So, Naomi, dear, I'M NOT DYING.
=)
In any case: I finished 4 weeks of IVs. Four fucking weeks. That was Chinese torture of sorts, really, and my sleep deprivation is at a rare high. That was my longest IV until now. It helped, but not as much as was expected. I started it when my lung function was 34%, I finished it with a 48. I also had an allergic reaction halfway through and quit at day 13, and resumed at day 15 with different drugs, so I'd say that break sabotaged things a little bit.
My weight is better, though - I gained 5.5 pounds! That's actually after losing 4.5 prior to starting the IV and another pound right at the beginning, so I'm now basically back to my pre-IV weight. The agreement about the feeding tube is as follows: I am obliged to gain 2.2 pounds [1 kilogram] per week, or close to that. As long as I am doing it, I'm good. As soon as I fail to gain that much, I get a naso-gastric feeding tube and a week in the hospital - because apparently, you have to start tube feedings in a controlled hospital environment even when we're talking about a simple ng-tube, so Dr. B. wants me in for a whole week.
Of course, once my weight is within the normal, healthy range, my lungs should get better, too, and my meds should also be more effective. I probably could get higher dosages, too.
Honestly, the weight thing is difficult. I am supposed to eat 3000 calories a day - three thousand, that's right. And no, it's not as fun as it may sound. I get a lot of those responses where people envy me for being able to really pig out and not gain weight, but the reality is that while it is awfully nice to not have to diet to conform to some kind of beauty standard or to keep yourself healthy, eating that much every day is quite difficult. It takes a lot of planning and it means eating more than you want, more often than you want, it means stuffing your face when you feel that one more bite will kill you. It means that even if you're sick, you still have to stuff your face, and if you vomit, you brush your teeth and fix yourself another meal. It's not fun.
Honestly, I hate the idea of a feeding tube, but I don't know if I can gain all the weight on my own, and frankly, getting the tube would make things so much easier. I'd love being able to just relax about food and get all the extra calories at night directly into my stomach.
Then again, I'd hate to uglify myself even further.
In other news, busy busy busy! Lots of schoolwork. I started research on my MA thesis. I don't get even half of the sleep I need (but that's due to the IVs, that'll change, I'm done with them tomorrow).
John and I celebrated our 3-month wedding anniversary by going out to dinner and a movie ("Sex and the City"). I love, love, love him so much, it takes my breath away.
|
|
|
| Wednesday, June 4th, 2008
| |
8:07 pm
|
Laurence Olivier as Max de Winter.
*melts*
Even more eye candy-esque than Clark Gable as Rhett Butler!
|
|
|
| |
5:59 pm
|
This video was made by the amazing Eva (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) 65redroses), to raise CF awareness and, no less important, money for research - because we all want to know what it's like to breathe easy. I'm reposting it for her, to spread it further.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
